birth story.

January 24, 2012. 
39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. 50 lbs overweight and looking like i was shoplifting a basketball.. It was about 8 in the morning and I was laying in bed texting my mom. She had a tennis match that day and I decided that this baby was never going to come! {because everyone, everyone told me I would for sure come early} so I thought to get my mind off of not having a baby I would go watch my mom play tennis. After telling her I'd get dressed and would meet her..I finally decided to roll out of bed, (and I had to pee) another reason to get out of bed. I stood up and "wooausshh" fluid ran down my legs...OH MY GOSH? Did I just pee my pants??!?!? I was so embarrassed! Who pees their pants?? I took another step forward "wooaussshhh" I panicked!! Was this my water? People told me that my water would probably not break on my first baby.. Liars!! I called my mom. Explained the situation and asked (embarrassed) do you think I peed my pants or this is my water breaking? She assured me it was definitely my water. I wrapped a towel around me and had breakfast (applesauce) my nerves were going crazy. I called the doctor and he told me to go to the hospital immediately. I decided before I go in that I wanted to take a shower.. I wasn't in any pain and contractions weren't happening. So I took a shower haha. call me crazy! Got dressed and headed to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I finally started to feel those contractions.. Yikes. I started to get nervous. We checked in and they got me to my room. I changed and they started to get me hooked up. Two monitors on my tummy. One for the contractions the other for the baby's heart beat. Contractions were getting a little closer and worse. They asked if I wanted and epidural.. I said not yet. { I had 6 kidney stones } I figured I could handle anything! {hahahaha} they came in and checked me and I was completely effaced. And dialated to a 2..a 2??? Ugh... my contractions began to become stronger and closer. The nurse came in kinda frantic and said that they weren't getting the baby's heart rate and so forth on the monitor.. I panicked. She proceeded to tell me that they needed to do an internal monitor. OUUCH!!! After, I was bawling!! I told the nurse to get the anesthesiologist in here as soon as possible. I was not going to go through what I just did with the experience of the internal monitor but it being worse than that!! {I highly recommend it if you labor like I do!} the anesthesiologist came in with his trusted little cart.. I'll be honest I wanted to avoid the epidural. It terrified me! He had me sit on the edge of the bed and hug a pillow. {curl up} with the anxiety I was having and everything else, I was sweating.. And he told me not to move... I wanted so badly to have someone in arms reach to be able to fan me or to hold my hand.. But just like that it was over and things were started. After the stress of the internal monitor and the epidural my contractions completely stopped. What?!?? I thought it was baby time...not even close. 

My mom and sister came up to keep me company. So by this time it was  about 2 pm. So they started me on the "pit" {pitocin}. My first nurse would not let me have anything to eat or drink. At one point I asked if I could have ice chips because my mouth was so dry. "I can get you a wet sponge"....are you kidding me? No! Haha I was so bugged and upset. Then the change of nurses came around 6 and my new nurse let me have as many Popsicles as I wanted! Yay! Now I was happy. The baby's heart rate kept dropping and said there wasn't enough oxygen.. I was panicked once again. So they put me on oxygen (oh yes, I had a real hot oxygen mask on). Hours passed. They checked me at 9 pm or so and the nurse said I was about a 8! We called my dad and other family members to come up because soon it would be baby time. Then my doctor came in just to check everything out. He checked me. Nope. He said I was only at a 6?!??? Are you kidding me? I was so discouraged. I thought this baby was never going to come!.. they increased the "pit", which made my contractions stronger and a lot more pressure. I began to get this terrible neck pain. Where I couldn't move my head, I literally could not get comfortable in any position. Then more hours passed. It was about midnight. At this point I had been in labor for 15 and a half hours. The nurse checked me again and finally I was a 10! We got the family out in the hall and I started to push. The nurse had one leg and I had the other. We pushed...and pushed... The baby was not coming. (I still have the awful oxygen mask on). The doctor came in about an HOUR after pushing.. That's right I had been pushing for that long! He felt around and could tell that the baby was sideways {instead of facing down he was facing sideways, not actually sideways}. That's why I had been pushing so long. So he told the nurse and I to keep pushing and he'd be back. Half hour passed. I was exhausted! He came back and decided to get things rolling! With the baby sideways everytime I pushed he inched those little shoulders through the canal. {poor Nixon, no wonder he had a terrible cone head! He had been in that tiny space for two hours!} so after many hard pushes and the help from the doctor, he came out! 

Born on January 25, 2012. 2:13 am. After an 18 hour labor and 2 hours of pushing he was finally here! ...I can't even BEGIN to explain nor describe the feeling of giving birth and hearing their innocent, perfect, little cry for the first time... having them being placed on you to be rubbed and wiped down and laid directly on your bare chest {I chose skin to skin, highly recommended :) } the rush of emotions and relief as this precious heaven sent baby lay in your arms. I completely sobbed...  How was I so blessed?? This human being who I kept safe and growing in my tummy for 9 months, who I cared and loved so much, as he kicked and moved inside me, was now right before my eyes. Heathy, beautiful, perfect, and so sweet...a moment that i will cherish forever. it completely amazed me how much love i had for this tiny baby...i was completely smitten. weighing in at 7 lbs || 20 inches long || and healthy as could be, he was absolutely perfect.

 i am forever grateful for heavenly father entrusting me to this precious spirit that he and now i, loved so much. i often think about the love i have for nixon and relate that to how much love our heavenly father has for us individually. it baffles me how much love i have for my own child and to try to understand that heavenly father loves us even more than that {how is that possible, right?? haha i know!} i am so grateful that on that day i was made a mother...a role that i cherish and try to be better at each and every day. 

Now three years later... i have a three year old.....a three year old???? Where has the time gone? How can my baby be three? No longer can I call him my baby.. Wahhhhh.. It's amazing how much they change in just three short years. Going from a tiny completely dependent newborn to a running, independent toddler. Raising Nixon has been the most life changing, joyous adventure. I always thought he'd be learning from me, but honestly I've learned so much from him. I can't imagine my days without him. He is full of energy and has so much love to give. He is forgiving and fun.. I have loved watching him begin to have the biggest imagination. It's such a fun thing to witness their little personalities develop more and more each day. He talks all day. Non stop. And as mothers you know exactly what your child is saying because you understand their language, you're with them 24/7! He is obsessed with cars, trains, tractors, and his animals. He loves riding his bike and running around playing outside. He is crazy coordinated! You give him a sport and he knows exactly what he's doing. He loves to color and especially to read books before bedtime. He sings songs that he makes up throughout the day and sings them all day! He repeats everything you say. i mean everything!  Hahaha it makes me laugh to hear my own phrases I say come out of his mouth. Of course we have our good days and our bad days! Who doesn't! Being a mom is the best job in the world, of course it's not easy but it's completely worth it. i love having this little ball of joy run around my house and bring light to my life. i love that my fridge is covered in colored pictures and that my counters are coated in sticky hands. i love to be doing something and hear this little voice out of no where tell me he loves me. i wouldn't trade a thing. he has completely blessed my life and again i am so grateful that three years ago he made me a "mommy".

xox  - jess 

the details.

okay lets talk about my reception.. i know for most people this seems so lame, but i die over stuff like this. i love the little details in things. details in parties, in showers, in home decor, holiday decor, etc.. i am a freak! 

luckily i have a mother, family, and lets not forget our dear family friend emily carmack that understands me for the most part. of which emily has an instagram of things she makes and sells...to die for. check it out  @markitwithane. anyway. i have known emily my whole life. literally. she was very close with my family, whether she was watching us as kids, or just hanging around the house. she has stayed close with us over the years. and i even watched her kids {the cycle continues haha}. emily is very good at decorating and designing. she helped my mom renovate her kitchen and it is to die for. anything that we have a question about that has to do with paint color, cabinets, fabrics, decor, detail, or holiday decor, we call her. without fail. haha she is just too good at what she does. {you should see her house} oh my. i mean people call her just to help them decorate their parties or do a collage wall at their house. she is the cutest and has the cutest family. needless to say she is a role model in my life. not only for the above things i talked about but because she is an amazing mother and wife and i am completely amazed at how she raises her kids. she makes family life look like the glamorous life, or the messy life :) not to mention she and her husband are hilarious! 

so of course with my wedding coming up we got together over lunch to talk about wedding details and so forth. we went shopping at station park and we were at the gap and i found this navy gingham shirt for men. i was dying!! so of course right then and there we picked out the men's outfit and my wedding colors. yep. we grabbed random fabrics to come up with my color scheme. laid it out on the display shelves. we must have looked like a bunch of crazy women. just like that. haha emily was asking for a piece of paper to write down sizes and which color or shirt went to who. we got a blank receipt. ahahaha i was calling cadens mom for sizes and we were pulling shirts and pants like crazy. brothers would be in denim, navy, and a grayish color. { caramel carmel } pants. caden and the groomsmen in gingham. we found gingham dresses for some of the little girls, as well as a floral dresses that had blushes and blues for more of the little girls. haha well now at least we had a start. i got paint swatches for the rest of the family to go find what they wanted to wear. yep paint swatches! we had decided on a navy, blush, cream, a seafoam blue, orange, and no not every color on the color wheel. but close. haha 

we met again and talked about more details. we went and looked at a few places. we had a barn in west bountiful with a beautiful grassy yard, we had a barn in kaysville that was authentic and rustic looking. october is a hard month because you never know if it will be warm, cold, windy, snowing, etc. the yard barn was out. the kaysville barn was too small so that was out.. then my sister in law suggested a {ranch} in NSL that i should go look at. so of course i called and we went and looked at it. it was red.. which was ok..it wasn't in my color scheme. there were cows {stinky smelly cows}. from the outside i thought, no way! no way am i having it here. then we opened the big barn doors to something so beautiful. rustic, raw wood lined walls. it was perfect! it was big enough that if it were bad weather we could fit inside and it had enough space in the front that we could do things outside as well if the weather was good. and come to find out the owners of CROSS E RANCH were actually family friends with my grandpa shupe! who would have known! so of course when i took my dad down to make measurements for lights and other things, he talked with dallen and heather {owners} for hours! haha after talking to heather she informed me that october was a perfect month for the barn because they wouldn't have their cows there! yay perfect. let me add that this is an actual functioning, running farm. cows, hay on hay, tractors, fields, and two of the cutest barn goats that roamed. the barn had a hidden kitchen, sound system, i mean how much more could i ask for. 

my mom and emily completely took what i had in my brain and put it on paper. with our short engagement everything had to be planned and put together quickly. we went to furniture places, rentals, hobby lobby {lots of visits to hobby lobby}, pumpkin patches, and several neighbors. we collected chairs, quilts, vases, frames, cake stands, glassware, chandeliers, mirrors, and everything else humanly possible that could be collected from people. we went to antique shops for books, chairs, etc. we made flag bunting from cream and white different fabrics. we got our bistro lights that we had. and made a list of treats to make. lets talk about how happy my dad was to hear that the day before my wedding he had to go pick up all these things...hahah i asked him if it could be possible that we pick up from 8 different people and places {chairs, couches, farm tables, love seats, dressers, vanities, and other small tables and benches}. he replied. its not impossible, {with a sigh} oh my sweet dad. 

i went and found a dress at {mary's bridal} marysbridalutah.com after looking at several places. i found one i fell in love with that fit my eclectic feel and what i had always wanted. mary is the sweetest and craziest lady but she was a lot of fun!

we went to granite bakery for our cake http://www.granitebakery.com oh my!! their cakes are to die for. so yummy! if you are planning to get married or just want a sweet treat, i highly recommend this place! you don't know how unbelievably delicious and moist our cake was. not to mention that their wedding department was fun to work with. we basically custom made our cake. i brought in a picture of what i wanted it to look like with a few changes. and they printed the picture and made it look just like it. they also had tons of fun cake stands, from metals to fun woodsy stands. {you get to pick on for free to go with it} you can also use your own if you had one. and they delivered! 

i had my sister in law's cousin do my flowers. erika wolfgramm. she was amazing! soooo much fun to work with! i had basically told her what my colors were and gave her my awesome paint swatches :) and i told her some of my favorite flowers. she took it from there. i had told her a few other things that i wanted and what my ideas were and she willingly accepted. she did an amazing job! her other weddings are to die for too.      contact information:                           Luna Floral ||  erikawolfgramm@gmail.com || 801.589.8055

we rented some antique furniture from a little shop on hwy 89 in nsl right before you get to center street. you wouldn't know it was there because it is kind of a dump. but one day on the way home from the barn, we spotted it and decided to look inside. they had furniture to rent for weddings! who knew. from couches, to chairs, to vanities, to frames. also beware of parrot!! ahaha i about pooped my pants when i walked into the other room where it was and it squawked at me! the lady that owns it is named bonnie, she's sweet. she rents her furniture out for three days, so the day before you can pick it up, have it the day of, and take it back the next day. pretty sweet deal. she is willing to negotiate price depending on what items you rented and so forth. i hope that they are still where they are, i had thought that they were in the process of moving so i hope they haven't yet.       Barlow Upholstering & Furniture Co. || 239 U.S. 89 North Salt Lake, Utah 84054  || 801.292.2411 
there was also another place that we rented a few things from. a little shop on 500 south in bountiful. they have TONS of things from buttons to furniture. they also have a whole basement full of stuff..{they took us down to sort through thousands of books}       Lost and Found Thrift || 75 E 500 S Bountiful, UT 84010 || 801.231.0017
i also rented some beautiful farm tables that came with fun benches. i already had three that we were collecting but i wanted three more and a few benches so we found this place online that rents them! how perfect! http://alpineeventrentals.com/index.aspx they have several other things that they rent out. 

we found some fun, great quality fabric on an online fabric place that emily carmack found. and then my mom cut and sewed my table cloths... she's amazing. the fabric was a really good price too! they have so many different fabrics! some super fun prints that you could do for pillows, or for curtains, or for anything that {your mom} could sew hah   http://warehousefabricsinc.com 

and i have to admit that i did our invitations. i looked on etsy, they have tons and tons of cute, creative, well designed invites, but nothing that i wanted to spend tons of money on. i knew i wanted mine to be simple and i knew that i could probably do them.. i had photoshop so i decided to give it a try. its an amateur job but hey i saved us money, right! i am also going to start designing christmas cards, invitations, wall art, quotes, tags, and etc. but details are still in the rough. if you are wanting something just message me and i can see if its something i can help with! i also used alphagraphics to print my wedding invitations. 

lets talk about the treats for a minute. i knew i didn't want actual food at our wedding or anything that would require a lot of clean up and preparation minutes before. so we decided on pumpkin pie {which we ordered from costco! yep, just call and make an order for however many pies you want, obviously in advance}, we decided on caramel apples of different kinds {my aunt jan does these for secret haven and for clients, she has it down to a science! i have her contact info}, we also ordered little mini donuts from bowman's in kaysville {just order in advance, they do all kinds and they are the cutest most delicious donuts! also at a great price}, we also made several batches of my granny's famous recipe of caramels {caramel and black licorice} my favorite! you all probably have a family recipe of homemade caramels too, but i am telling you that you will never enjoy a better caramel than that of our family. you can find little square clear wrappings pre cut and ready at ORSON GYGI they make the caramels look so pretty. better than the way wax paper makes them look haha. we also made a batch of caramel popcorn packaged in to die for bags from PICK YOUR PLUM. {a very fun website of daily deals} pickyourplum.com. we then also had a s'more bar outside. very fun! my dad cut out some logs for the canisters and we collected the necessary items to complete a s'more :) then of course we had water, and apple juice, and a fizzy white punch. 

i wanted a fun big sign suspended from the barn that had mine and cadens name on it written in chalk. so my dad of course found a big piece of wood and i traced my shape that i wanted and he cut it out perfectly and painted it with chalk board paint {found at home depot}. he is such a good sport :) then i had my very talented friend mae-lynn garcia draw our names and i also had her do our sign that gave a "schedule". she is crazy talented! oh my gosh. you must check out her website, she does drawings and videography. http://www.maelynngarcia.com 

  

i of course had our engagements and formals and wedding day/reception photography done by the lovely kailey rae. check her out on instagram also visit her website! kaileyraephotography.com 
contact info is on her page. 

it was two days before the big day. the day that my dad was probably regretting. haha he hooked up the trailer and with the help of my handsome fiancé, my future father-in-law, and my brothers. they got stuff picked up and loaded and taken down to the barn. we packaged up all the glassware, and quilts and sent that down too. i'm sure my dad sighed and stressed as he played tetris with the furniture in the trailer. we unloaded it late that night. 

it was the day before the big day. more tables were being delivered and my dad had a few other things to collect too..yikes. hahah he sure does love me! with the help of my mother, emily, my sister, and a few aunts, and emily's kids {thank you ethan! for risking your life in the rafters} we spent most of the day setting up. i am also very grateful to my mother-in-law who watched nixon for me that day so that i could get much, much, more work done. also with the help from my dad and brothers {and ethan} they set up my bunting, lights, chandeliers {of which, i am so grateful my dad is an electrician along with the rest of my brothers} who magically got power to them so they could be on! holy smokes they were beautiful. and they got my suspended sign to be exactly how i had imagined it. we then hung mirrors, frames, sticks, etc. we placed table cloths, set up glassware and little trinkets. every table was different. everything eclectic and beautiful. my mother had the idea of putting my cake on the beautiful white vanity, it was gorgeous! with the mirror in the background and the whole look to it. nice work mom! we had benches set up facing each other with a fun antique table between them with books stacked on top and a pumpkin placed perfectly. we set couches and chairs where they needed to be. and made where me and caden would stand would be an amazing focus point that included frames with ribbons tied in exact spots {see, I'm a freak! when you die over the simplicity of a ribbon being tied somewhere} and a rug, with two chairs on either side with the cutest pumpkin stack combo you've ever seen! i know right! you would only understand my enthusiasm towards the little details if you were anything like me, so sorry if you don't! because i literally was dying over a little thing placed here, or a little thing placed there, or if we felt something was missing somewhere we put a big fat pumpkin in its place and just like that it was perfect! you guys i was completely blown away at what was happening right before my eyes. thanks to everyone that made it possible and who helped! things were still not put together completely and had to be finished the day of the wedding! thats right. i had to leave it to my mom and emily to make sure that the end product was what we had talked about. i had full confidence in them of course!

it was the day of the big day and after the sealing and so forth my little helpers headed straight to the barn to finish up with things. cake delivery, flowers, everything that i still had not seen yet. i showed up an hour before the reception started. oh my heavens.. it was like pinterest threw up in the barn! hahah it was stunning. it was as if someone went inside my brain pulled out my image for this barn and put it together. it was a dream. my dream. all thanks to my family and friends who made the end of that day special! 
p.s im sorry i used the word perfect too much. but it was. it was absolutely perfect. or if i said i was dying.. but it's because i was dying over everything! haha ok I'm done.