birth story.

January 24, 2012. 
39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. 50 lbs overweight and looking like i was shoplifting a basketball.. It was about 8 in the morning and I was laying in bed texting my mom. She had a tennis match that day and I decided that this baby was never going to come! {because everyone, everyone told me I would for sure come early} so I thought to get my mind off of not having a baby I would go watch my mom play tennis. After telling her I'd get dressed and would meet her..I finally decided to roll out of bed, (and I had to pee) another reason to get out of bed. I stood up and "wooausshh" fluid ran down my legs...OH MY GOSH? Did I just pee my pants??!?!? I was so embarrassed! Who pees their pants?? I took another step forward "wooaussshhh" I panicked!! Was this my water? People told me that my water would probably not break on my first baby.. Liars!! I called my mom. Explained the situation and asked (embarrassed) do you think I peed my pants or this is my water breaking? She assured me it was definitely my water. I wrapped a towel around me and had breakfast (applesauce) my nerves were going crazy. I called the doctor and he told me to go to the hospital immediately. I decided before I go in that I wanted to take a shower.. I wasn't in any pain and contractions weren't happening. So I took a shower haha. call me crazy! Got dressed and headed to the hospital. On the way to the hospital I finally started to feel those contractions.. Yikes. I started to get nervous. We checked in and they got me to my room. I changed and they started to get me hooked up. Two monitors on my tummy. One for the contractions the other for the baby's heart beat. Contractions were getting a little closer and worse. They asked if I wanted and epidural.. I said not yet. { I had 6 kidney stones } I figured I could handle anything! {hahahaha} they came in and checked me and I was completely effaced. And dialated to a 2..a 2??? Ugh... my contractions began to become stronger and closer. The nurse came in kinda frantic and said that they weren't getting the baby's heart rate and so forth on the monitor.. I panicked. She proceeded to tell me that they needed to do an internal monitor. OUUCH!!! After, I was bawling!! I told the nurse to get the anesthesiologist in here as soon as possible. I was not going to go through what I just did with the experience of the internal monitor but it being worse than that!! {I highly recommend it if you labor like I do!} the anesthesiologist came in with his trusted little cart.. I'll be honest I wanted to avoid the epidural. It terrified me! He had me sit on the edge of the bed and hug a pillow. {curl up} with the anxiety I was having and everything else, I was sweating.. And he told me not to move... I wanted so badly to have someone in arms reach to be able to fan me or to hold my hand.. But just like that it was over and things were started. After the stress of the internal monitor and the epidural my contractions completely stopped. What?!?? I thought it was baby time...not even close. 

My mom and sister came up to keep me company. So by this time it was  about 2 pm. So they started me on the "pit" {pitocin}. My first nurse would not let me have anything to eat or drink. At one point I asked if I could have ice chips because my mouth was so dry. "I can get you a wet sponge"....are you kidding me? No! Haha I was so bugged and upset. Then the change of nurses came around 6 and my new nurse let me have as many Popsicles as I wanted! Yay! Now I was happy. The baby's heart rate kept dropping and said there wasn't enough oxygen.. I was panicked once again. So they put me on oxygen (oh yes, I had a real hot oxygen mask on). Hours passed. They checked me at 9 pm or so and the nurse said I was about a 8! We called my dad and other family members to come up because soon it would be baby time. Then my doctor came in just to check everything out. He checked me. Nope. He said I was only at a 6?!??? Are you kidding me? I was so discouraged. I thought this baby was never going to come!.. they increased the "pit", which made my contractions stronger and a lot more pressure. I began to get this terrible neck pain. Where I couldn't move my head, I literally could not get comfortable in any position. Then more hours passed. It was about midnight. At this point I had been in labor for 15 and a half hours. The nurse checked me again and finally I was a 10! We got the family out in the hall and I started to push. The nurse had one leg and I had the other. We pushed...and pushed... The baby was not coming. (I still have the awful oxygen mask on). The doctor came in about an HOUR after pushing.. That's right I had been pushing for that long! He felt around and could tell that the baby was sideways {instead of facing down he was facing sideways, not actually sideways}. That's why I had been pushing so long. So he told the nurse and I to keep pushing and he'd be back. Half hour passed. I was exhausted! He came back and decided to get things rolling! With the baby sideways everytime I pushed he inched those little shoulders through the canal. {poor Nixon, no wonder he had a terrible cone head! He had been in that tiny space for two hours!} so after many hard pushes and the help from the doctor, he came out! 

Born on January 25, 2012. 2:13 am. After an 18 hour labor and 2 hours of pushing he was finally here! ...I can't even BEGIN to explain nor describe the feeling of giving birth and hearing their innocent, perfect, little cry for the first time... having them being placed on you to be rubbed and wiped down and laid directly on your bare chest {I chose skin to skin, highly recommended :) } the rush of emotions and relief as this precious heaven sent baby lay in your arms. I completely sobbed...  How was I so blessed?? This human being who I kept safe and growing in my tummy for 9 months, who I cared and loved so much, as he kicked and moved inside me, was now right before my eyes. Heathy, beautiful, perfect, and so sweet...a moment that i will cherish forever. it completely amazed me how much love i had for this tiny baby...i was completely smitten. weighing in at 7 lbs || 20 inches long || and healthy as could be, he was absolutely perfect.

 i am forever grateful for heavenly father entrusting me to this precious spirit that he and now i, loved so much. i often think about the love i have for nixon and relate that to how much love our heavenly father has for us individually. it baffles me how much love i have for my own child and to try to understand that heavenly father loves us even more than that {how is that possible, right?? haha i know!} i am so grateful that on that day i was made a mother...a role that i cherish and try to be better at each and every day. 

Now three years later... i have a three year old.....a three year old???? Where has the time gone? How can my baby be three? No longer can I call him my baby.. Wahhhhh.. It's amazing how much they change in just three short years. Going from a tiny completely dependent newborn to a running, independent toddler. Raising Nixon has been the most life changing, joyous adventure. I always thought he'd be learning from me, but honestly I've learned so much from him. I can't imagine my days without him. He is full of energy and has so much love to give. He is forgiving and fun.. I have loved watching him begin to have the biggest imagination. It's such a fun thing to witness their little personalities develop more and more each day. He talks all day. Non stop. And as mothers you know exactly what your child is saying because you understand their language, you're with them 24/7! He is obsessed with cars, trains, tractors, and his animals. He loves riding his bike and running around playing outside. He is crazy coordinated! You give him a sport and he knows exactly what he's doing. He loves to color and especially to read books before bedtime. He sings songs that he makes up throughout the day and sings them all day! He repeats everything you say. i mean everything!  Hahaha it makes me laugh to hear my own phrases I say come out of his mouth. Of course we have our good days and our bad days! Who doesn't! Being a mom is the best job in the world, of course it's not easy but it's completely worth it. i love having this little ball of joy run around my house and bring light to my life. i love that my fridge is covered in colored pictures and that my counters are coated in sticky hands. i love to be doing something and hear this little voice out of no where tell me he loves me. i wouldn't trade a thing. he has completely blessed my life and again i am so grateful that three years ago he made me a "mommy".

xox  - jess